COMPUTER MALFUNCTIONS

So you think you're computer-illiterate ? >> >>1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to >>"Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the >>"Any" key is. >> >>2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was >>hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be >>the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. >> >>3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining >>that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old >>diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to >>diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labelled the >>diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels. >> >>4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective >>diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along >>with Xeroxed copies of the floppies. >> >>5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy >>back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to >>hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and >>crossing the room to close the door to his room. >> >>6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer >>to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician >>discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it >>in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key. >> >>7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a >>Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a >>couple of friends, "the customer replied. When told Egghead was a >>software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to >>find a couple of geeks." >> >>8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no >>longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and >>water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys >>and washing them individually. >> >>9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged >>because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The >>tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" >>responses shouldn't be taken personally. >> >>10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get >>her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was >>plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed >>the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal >>and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the >>computer's mouse. >> >>11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new >>computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it >>in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When >>asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked >>"What power switch?" >> >>12. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp: >>Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?" >>Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" >>Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my >>warranty period. How do I go about getting that t fixed?" >>Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?" >>Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer." >>Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I >>am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? >>How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?" >>Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a >>promotional. It just has '4X' on it." >>At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he >>couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the >>CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.

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